


A really bad birthday gift

by midori_berry



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Presents, Bread, Funny, Humour, Short Story, mouldy food, soldier doesn't understand the concept of food going out of date, the rest of the team are there I just only tagged those that speak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midori_berry/pseuds/midori_berry
Summary: A short story I wrote quickly to practice writing, also my first Team Fortress fic.Scout gets what is probably the best worst birthday gift he's ever gotten, which is also probably the funniest, even if it was unintentional from Soldier's point of view.
Kudos: 12





	A really bad birthday gift

He was caught halfway between a laugh and snort as he finished tearing the newspaper from the shoddily wrapped gift. Bread. Just… a loaf of bread. It wasn’t even in date anymore, the expiry date having already passed a few days ago. There were splotches of green appearing on the surface, and a distinct rotten smell that the crude wrapping had somehow been able to mask. Soldier had pretty much demanded that his gift be opened first, roughly placing the newspaper wrapped bundle into the younger man’s hands. He hadn’t left Scout with much of a choice in the matter.

If there was one upside to the rather disgusting and strange gift, it was store bought, and not the type of bread that had been sent through a teleporter several hundred times. Not like he was going to eat it or anything considering the mould, but luckily it wouldn’t come to life and try and murder the lot of them.

“What kinda present is this? When did you even buy this?!” Scout snickered, too confused to be pissed off at the strange present. From the looks of the faces of the other mercs, they were just as confused, and trying almost as hard as Scout to contain their laughter.

“That present is premium American bread I’ll have you know! It’s a perfect addition to your rations!” Soldier grinned, with a thump of his chest as he enunciated the words ‘American’ and ‘Rations’, “You are skin and bones, this will have the carbs you need to beef up so you grow big and strong. I saw it in the grocery store 3 weeks ago and thought of you, it’s the perfect American gift.”

Scout’s eyes flicked from the loaf of bread to the Soldier with a bemused grin, feeling somewhat nauseous at the thought of even trying to eat the mouldy food. “Sol this stuff is mouldy, I can’t eat this, I’ll get sick or something.” He moved to place the offending loaf down on the table, trying to make sure that it wouldn’t touch any of the other presents that had been placed there. Didn’t want the other stuff he had gotten and had yet to actually open getting gross bread mould on it after all.

“That’s not mould, it’s greens! They’re good for you!” Soldier nodded, and sat back down, oblivious to how absurd what he had just said was.

It had been Demo that had let out the first peal of laughter, wiping a tear away from his eye with mirth, this had set off somewhat of a chain reaction, with the rest of the mercs bursting out into laughter, with even the usually reserved Spy snorting with laughter. Soldier was oblivious as to why the rest of the group were laughing, though that didn’t stop him from laughing along with a large grin. 

Scout himself was shaking with laughter, looking from the bread to each of the bemused faces of the others, as he tried to catch his breath from the latest bout of giggles that he’d fallen back into. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had laughed this much, and it was all over some mouldy piece of bread. He supposed it was the absolute absurdity of the gift, as it was without a doubt the absolute worst birthday gift that he had ever gotten.

“Y’know what Sol? This is the best worst gift that I think I’ve ever gotten. Thanks.” Scout managed to say between wheezes of laughter, tears beginning to form in his eyes. Soldier nodded seriously, though he was grinning too, the laughter of the others proving to be too infectious for the Bostonian to be able to stop with his own chuckles.

Heavy had stood up, still chuckling much like the others. “I will bring this into kitchen for leetle Scout, can enjoy bread later, da? Will be back soon.” He gave a knowing nod to the younger man, picking up the loaf and leaving the common area, laughing as he went. Scout silently thanked Heavy, knowing the older man would probably get rid of the bread out of sight of Soldier to avoid hurting his feelings.

After a good few more minutes of laughter, Scout grinned and shook his head, glad that he didn’t have to actually eat the bread. Definitely the best worst gift ever. After a few more deep breaths to try and stop himself from having another fit of laughter, he looked back over to the pile of gifts with an excited smile, and picked out a small one that had been much more neatly wrapped.

“Alright, gonna open this one next!”

**Author's Note:**

> Me and a friend decided to write short stories with prompts, and we got the prompt "A really bad birthday gift", and since I recently fell back into the TF2 fandom after not playing it since 2012 I figured I would write it for that.


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